


Mister Mom(s)

by pancake_surprise



Series: Cool Dads Club [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Babies, Coming Out, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, High School, Kid Fic, Kinda, M/M, Parenthood, Team as Family, guys being dads
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:08:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24564385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pancake_surprise/pseuds/pancake_surprise
Summary: Sometimes a family is two bros, a volleyball team, and their robot baby.Alternatively, Iwaizumi and Oikawa take home the home-ec baby for the weekend. Chaos and other sappy things ensue.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Series: Cool Dads Club [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1877437
Comments: 7
Kudos: 305
Collections: My favorite haikyuu fics





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my bff, kyle, for asking me the vital question: why haven't u written any iwaoi??? And also for being my 'are these in character' consultant. What the fuck is up kyle. 
> 
> Alternatively titled "Keeping Up the Oikawa's, coming to E! this fall"

The infant carrier is perched atop Oikawa’s bed. The baby, still safely buckled-up, lays lifeless, its bright eyes staring at the ceiling.

Unblinking. Unseeing.

The baby is a doll but that does little-to-nothing to calm the general feeling of unease Iwaizumi feels just from looking at it. Maybe he’s seen the Bride of Chucky one too many times or perhaps it's actually a sense of foreboding about the three days ahead of them. Three days of sleeping on Oikawa’s floor. Three days of bottle feeding and diaper changes. Three days spent raising a robot baby with none other than Oikawa Tooru. It’s enough to give him a headache and the weekend hasn’t even started yet.

“It needs a name,” says Iwaizumi in a weak effort to distract himself from his panicked spiral. 

“A name?”

“What? Were you planning on calling it ‘baby’ all week?”

“Huh, I guess you’re right,” Oikawa pauses to stare at the eerily lifelike plastic face peering at them between the folds of the blanket. He scrutinizes the baby from its head to its toes, polyester onesie included. They’ll _definitely_ have to replace that later. “How do you pick a name for a baby?” 

Iwaizumi shrugs. “How would I know? What about Takeru? Someone had to name him.” 

“Well duh,” Oikawa rolls his eyes. “But I didn’t name Takeru. That’s not exactly in an uncle’s list of responsibilities.” 

“So call Tomiko and ask her,”

Oikawa can’t really come up with a good reason not to and so he begrudgingly dials his sister, picking at his fingernails while it rings. He’d really prefer not to broadcast their current predicament any further than is absolutely necessary but he supposes desperate times call for desperate measures and surely neither he nor Iwa-chan know how to adequately bestow a name upon a baby.

“Tooru?” 

“Hi,” Oikawa says quickly before getting straight to the point. “How do you name a baby?” Tomiko doesn’t answer so much as make a strangled choking noise. Iwaizumi mumbles something that sounds suspiciously like ‘idiot’ under his breath and Oikawa flips him off. “How did you pick Takeru’s name?” he tries.

“Wh-” she pauses. “Why are you naming a baby?” 

“Iwa-chan and I took home-ec for the easy A but nobody bothered telling us we’d have to become _parents_!” 

Tomiko laughs. “Ah, I see. Well, step one is to stop overthinking it. It’s not rocket science. Then just pick a name that you and Iwaizumi like.” 

“That’s it?” Oikawa has a hard time believing it can be that simple. Naming a baby seems like a hugely massive responsibility and he cannot possibly fathom trying to name a real baby and not their plastic robot. 

“Mm-hmm. People do it every day, believe it not. I’m sure you guys can manage.” She sounds a little too self-satisfied in his opinion but they only have a few more minutes before the baby turns on and that means there is absolutely no time to waste. 

“Okay, thanks Tomiko.” To be honest, he’s a little bit disappointed that there isn’t some magical formula for baby naming. 

“Don’t sound so defeated. I’m sure you’ll think of something,” she pauses. “And Tooru?”

“Yeah?”

“Goodluck this weekend. You’re going to need it. Oh- and tell Iwaizumi I said so,” she says barely stifling a laugh.

“Well that got us nowhere,” Iwaizumi says. 

Oikawa lifts the baby from its carrier and extends it away from his body, elbows locked, to further scrutinize the baby. “Maybe a name will come to us once the thing turns on.”

"Don't hold it like that Shittykawa!"

Oikawa squawks as Iwaizumi snatches the baby out of his hands and cradles it against his chest. "Aw Iwa-chan, such a good parent already! And it isn't even turned on yet, the computer isn't recording." 

Iwaizumi carefully places the baby backs in its carrier. "Yeah well,” he says, “it's better we get used to it now than when it is on." 

The baby beeps. Once. Twice. Three times. "It's alive!" Oikawa shrieks. 

It’s silent for a single slow moment- the final moment of silence for the next three days- before a high-pitched wail fills the room. They shoot each other a panicked look. 

"What do we do?" Oikawa says head snapping between Iwaizumi and the baby carrier. 

“What do you mean what do we do? You’re the uncle!” 

“That doesn’t mean I know how to do anything!” 

The cries grow louder and, with them, Iwaizumi's heart rate. 

"We need to pick it up," Iwaizumi says finally. 

"Pick it up?" Oikawa asks. 

Iwaizumi nods once. Neither of them moves. Oikawa elbows Iwaizumi in the side, "you do it."

"Me?! You were the one holding it earlier!" 

"Yeah, well you were way better at it!" 

Oikawa elbows him in the side again. "Iwa-chan!" 

“Fine,” he mumbles. Iwaizumi is going to have to take care of two babies this entire weekend- Oikawa and their robot child. Iwaizumi moves imperceptibly toward the bassinet. He can't tell if the baby's cries are actually getting louder or if they're just reverberating through his head and growing in multitude. It’s sort of dizzying and isn’t doing any favors for his blood pressure.

He takes another baby step but is interrupted by Oikawa shoving him forward. He falls gracelessly toward the baby carrier and for one brief, horrifying moment, he thinks he's going to fall face-first into the baby. Iwaizumi recovers and gently lifts the baby from the bassinet and into his arms. A bead of sweat forms on his forehead, dripping first to his cheek and then to the floor. He presses the bundle to his chest and panics realizing he has absolutely no idea what to do next. God, he’s going to be a terrible parent. 

To his luck, the baby's cries begin to wane, transitioning from mind-numbing to half-hearted before finally ceasing entirely. The baby beeps again and giggles. Something in Iwaizumi's stomach swoops and he has to fight the inclination to throw his hands up in victory. 

"We did it!" Oikawa shouts. They’ve survived their first five minutes of parenthood. Only 3 more days to go.

Iwaizumi rolls his eyes. "Yeah, sure. _We_ did it."

“Smile Iwa-chan!” Oikawa whips out his phone and holds it up. “We have to commemorate this momentous day!” 

Iwaizumi scowls but inevitably can’t do anything to stop Oikawa. Doing so would require removing one hand from the baby and while he’s sure it’s completely possible to hold a baby with only one arm, he isn’t about to find out. “Take that photo and I’ll end you.”

Oikawa tuts. “Aw, you love me Iwa-chan. You could never.” 

“Shut up Crappykawa, it’s your turn to hold it. Parenting is a two person act.” 

“Oh no, Iwa-chan, I think you’re doing just fine. You don’t need my help.” 

In his calmest voice Iwaizumi says, “I will murder you in your sleep with your own shirt.” 

“So mean Iwa-chan! Fine, I’ll take it.” 

Iwaizumi hands off the baby and instantly a lifetime’s worth of tension is lifted from his shoulders. Who knew being a parent was so stressful? 

“You know we should probably stop calling the baby ‘it’- that’s kind of a faux paux or something, right?” says Iwaizumi. 

Oikawa ducks down so his face hovers only inches above the baby’s. 

“You’ve done that twice now, if a name hasn’t miraculously appeared in your brain from the first time then I doubt it's going to--” 

"What about Akihiko," Oikawa says.

Iwaizumi wrinkles his nose. “That’s the best you can come up with?” 

"I am a king. That, naturally, makes my son a prince." 

Iwaizumi whacks Oikawa upside the head. "In your dreams Shittykawa," 

"Language, Iwa-chan! And you can’t hit me while I’m holding the baby!" Oikawa straightens up, rubbing the back of his head with one hand. 

"Besides, how do we know it's a boy?" says Iwaizumi. 

They look between each other, the baby, and then back again in tandem. A silent conversation passes between them that ends with the decision that they can figure that one out later.

Later, most unfortunately, comes much sooner than either of Iwaizumi or Oikawa anticipated and in the form of the baby’s ear-splitting cries. 

“She’s still screaming!” Iwaizumi says. “We tried feeding her and burping her and I already rocked her, what is there left to do!” 

Oikawa pales. “Oh god,” he pauses. “Oh shit.” He takes a seat next to the bassinet and looks at Iwaizumi with frighteningly hollow eyes. 

Iwaizumi is far closer to hysterical than he’d care to admit to himself or to anyone else and so it’s with extreme care and control that he asks Oikawa what’s wrong. 

“Iwa-chan this is bad. This is so bad.” 

Iwaizumi pales. 

“What? Is the baby okay?”

“It probably... needs changed.” 

“You mean like her batteries? That’s pretty weird, I’m pretty sure the charge on these things is supposed to last up to a week.” 

Oikawa gestures to the diaper bag. “I’m afraid not.”

Iwaizumi swallows. He forgot that changing is something babies need. 

“Oh.” 

_One diaper change later..._

The diaper change ended up being far less contentious than Oikawa initially feared. He forgot that a robot baby doesn’t actually ingest any food and therefore doesn’t require any sort of cleaning up- just a quick switch of the diaper. 

One thing did come from their diaper changing adventure however. 

“Girl,” says Oikawa. 

“Yep, definitely a girl.” 

“So we need a girl’s name then.”

Iwaizumi shoots him _a look_. 

“What?” 

Iwaizumi can’t really believe he has to say this but “does it really matter if she’s a boy or a girl?” 

“What?!” Oikawa practically shrieks. “Of course that’s not what I’m saying! She can be whatever or whoever she wants!” 

“Exactly,” says Iwaizumi grinning. “So obviously Godzilla is a perfect name.” 

Oikawa’s eyes narrow. 

“Listen closely Iwa-chan because I am only going to say this once- we will name our daughter Godzilla over my dead body.”

“Well, you can forget about her middle name being Spock then.” 

Oikawa gasps and clasps a hand to his chest. 

“Spock is an excellent name! She would be nothing other than honored.” 

“So it’s Godzilla Spock Oikawa-Iwaizumi then•

The day any couple brings home a baby for the first time is always fraught with stress. One moment childless, the next, responsible for a whole human who has not an inkling on how to survive on their own. Iwaizumi and Oikawa at the very least don’t have the stress of personally driving their newly born child home from the hospital, but yet that does nothing to reduce the level of stress their first night brings. It is somehow both one of the most stressful evenings of their young lives and one of the most uneventful. 

They have dinner with the Oikawas:

“Aww, she’s adorable!” Mrs. Oikawa croons, peeking into the bassinet. “Of course with two fathers as cute as you two she was bound to be adorable.” 

“ Mom,” Oikawa whines. 

“What? I can’t compliment my son and his family?” she says. Iwaizumi knows it's a joke. The Oikawas all wear the same expression when they’re messing with someone but he can’t help that his cheeks burn from her comment. 

“She’s right Tooru,” says Oikawa’s father. “Be sure to get a Christmas card photo taken this year.”

Oikawa lights up like god damn fairy lights at the suggestion and Iwaizumi has to stop himself from groaning out loud. At this rate, they should have decided to stay the weekend at Iwaizumi’s house. 

“I can’t say I’d thought about it,” says Oikawa, “but now that you mention it, that’s a great idea!” 

“She’s plastic,” says Iwaizumi, deadpan.

Oikawa gasps and practically throws himself across the table to cover the baby’s ears. 

“Iwa-chan! What if she hears you!”

Iwaizumi resolutely doesn’t look up from his plate and takes the opportunity to kick Oikawa in the shin from underneath the table.

“Ow, Iwa-chan! What was that for?” 

“Quiet Oikawa, or you’ll wake her up.”

“So mean,” Oikawa says pouting. Iwaizumi rolls his eyes.

“What’s her name?” asks Mrs. Oikawa. 

Iwaizumi and Oikawa exchange a glance. 

“We haven’t found a good one yet,” Oikawa says rubbing the back of his neck with one hand. “Do you have any suggestions? You’ve named babies before!” 

“Hmm,” says Mrs. Oikawa. “Well, it isn’t really normal for a grandparent to name a baby.” 

There’s a glint in her eye that Iwaizumi doesn’t like. They're getting played. 

“Grandparents can make suggestions though!” Oikawa says, arms flailing wildly. 

Mr. Oikawa leans back in his chair and rubs a hand across his chin. “Hmm, I suppose so,” says Mr. Oikawa “If it were up to me, I’d name her California Roll.

Oikawa wrinkles his nose and Iwaizumi snorts into his food. 

“Ew, Dad, you want me to name my daughter after a SUSHI ROLL?” 

“Oh!” says Mrs. Oikawa. “Or you could name her Beyoncé!” 

After dinner, they change yet another diaper and more importantly, learn how to properly feed a baby.

“It’s not working, Iwa-chan!” Oikawa has the baby nestled into the crook of one arm and with the other presses the baby bottle to her plastic, unmoving lips. “How do you feed a robot baby? Regular babies actually put the bottle in their mouth!” 

Iwaizumi isn’t sure he’s ever been so stressed in his life. Not that time he failed a test. Not when they lost to Shiratorizawa. Not even when Oikawa injured his knee for the first time. 

Iwaizumi runs a hand through his hair and digs through the baby bag for the third time in a row. He pulls out the bare bones instructional sheet their teacher gave them and skims it before the baby’s cries render him incapable of critical thinking. 

“You aren’t holding the bottle right,” he says. “Here.” Iwaizumi takes the baby from a very frazzled, very relieved Oikawa. He mimics the pose Oikawa held earlier by tucking her carefully between his arm and chest, her head resting in the crook of his elbow. He lifts the bottle up at a near 180-degree angle, in a motion that he’s sure should actually just dump the bottle’s contents onto the baby’s face but it must be the right move because the baby almost immediately stops wailing and instead makes greedy slurping noises. 

“Oh thank god,” Iwaizumi says, backing up toward Oikawa’s bedroom wall and sliding down to the floor. Oikawa pads over and joins him, sliding down next to Iwaizumi with a loud thunk. 

“Iwa-chan that was amazing! How did you know how to do that?” 

“I read the instructions, dumbass.” 

“Such a good father,” Oikawa croons. 

Iwaizumi’s face heats up and he very much does. Not. look. At. Oikawa. 

After a moment more, the baby’s drinking noises come to an end, replaced by a watery gurgling. 

“Is that... normal?” says Iwaizumi. Maybe he should have read all of the instructions and not just the feeding portion.

“Oh! I know what to do,” 

Iwaizumi shuffles the baby back to Oikawa. Oikawa holds her to his chest, her head resting on his shoulder, and gently taps on her back. He’s rocking back and forth. So gently that Iwaizumi almost doesn’t notice it at first but the gentle sway of his shoulders give it away.

“What’s that do?”

“Babies swallow a lot of air when they eat so you always have to burp them after.”

Iwaizumi, not that he would ever admit it to Oikawa, is impressed. 

Later, against their better judgment, they reluctantly introduce their baby to their friends.

“What's its name?” Hanamaki asks while much of the rest of the team mills about the park they’ve met at. 

“Well,” says Oikawa, sitting up straight and crossing one leg over the other, “we’re considering Joe. Or perhaps Obama.” 

The team, who previously were chattering away, fall silent. Iwaizumi, baby strapped to his chest, joins Oikawa. 

“Obama?” says Matsukawa. 

“He is a great leader. What better way to honor him?” says Iwaizumi, deadpan. 

“Really?” 

“Yep,” says Oikawa, emphasis on the pop of the ‘p’.

“But, um,” starts Matsukawa, “Isn’t that a boy’s name?” 

Iwaizumi scowls. 

“Are you insinuating that we wouldn’t love our child regardless of their gender or sexual orientation?” says Oikawa. 

“Iwa-chan and I would love our baby no matter what!” says Oikawa, perhaps a little louder than is strictly necessary. “And if you all want to even be considered for the Uncle title then you’d better start shaping up! We will not allow such blatant bigotry and ignorance to influence our developing child.”

Iwaizumi shakes his head. Disappointed. He pointedly places his hands over the baby’s ears, protecting them from the blatant ignorance of their underclassman. 

“I think the real question is, are you really going to name your baby after an American president?” 

“Yes, we’re reall- no! Of course, we’re not going to name our baby after an American president! But it doesn’t matter what they’re name is, they can be whoever they want to be!” 

“Obviously, your baby can be whoever or whatever makes them happy,” says Hanamaki. 

Oikawa huffs. “Good, glad we’re all on the same page. Come on Iwaizumi, it’s time for Spock’s bottle.” 

“For the last time! We are not naming our baby Spock.”

“Iwa-chan!” Oikawa yelps just as soon as they’re clear of the gym. “I had no idea you were so forward-thinking!” 

Iwaizumi’s eyebrows knit together in a scowl. “What are you talking about Shittykawa,” 

“Defending our daughter’s honor to the team!” 

“You did all the talking, I just glared at them.” 

“Yeah, but I know you meant it. You’re going to make a great parent! Your child will never have to worry about talking to you.” 

“Talking to me?” Iwaizumi says. 

“Yeah,” Oikawa says softly. He’s lost the sing-song lit that he had moments ago. “You know, they won’t have to worry about telling you the important stuff.” 

They walk in silence for a moment before coming to a stop at a park not far from the school. Iwaizumi gently sets the baby carrier between them before taking a seat on a bench. 

“Important stuff?” says Iwaizumi, softer than before. 

“Yeah, important stuff,” says Oikawa. “You know.” 

Iwaizumi nods a few times. 

“Oikawa,” he says. “You know, I’m like really gay, right?” 

Iwaizumi watches out of the corner of his eye as Oikawa startles before going ramrod straight. He knows, deep somewhere, that after nearly a decade and half of friendship, this statement will have no long-lasting effect on their friendship. Regardless of Oikawa’s reaction right now, it will all be fine. 

If Oikawa could verbalize the Windows Shut Down Noise(TM) then he would because nothing else quite describes what he’s feeling right now. Iwa-chan, his Iwa-chan, is gay. Gay. G-a-y. 

He’s not mad about it. This might actually be the best thing that’s ever happened to him. Or not. He’s not sure yet. 5000 possible scenarios rapidly play out in his head over the following twelve seconds. Each one of them is more absurd than the preceding. 

They morph and grow rapidly until he’s suddenly daydreaming about walking down the aisle to a scowling Iwa-Chan. And woah that took a turn. Is he in love with Iwa-chan? Oh my god, he’s in love with Iwa-chan. Was anyone going to tell him he’s in love Iwa-chan or was he just supposed to figure that out on his own? 

Oikawa is light-years away, in his own internal spiral, when Iwaizumi brings him back down to earth. 

“Shittykawa, you’re thinking so hard, I’m getting a headache just being in close proximity to you.” 

“Oh,” says Oikawa.

Where moments ago he was rapidly trying to backtrack through their lives to find the exact moment he fell in love with his best friend, now, there is nothing at all. Because Iwaizumi is giving him a look that’s both amused and maybe just the tiniest bit concerned as if Oikawa might actually have hurt himself from thinking too hard. It’s gentle, nothing at all like Iwaizumi’s notorious glare, but it is still equally and just as quintessentially Iwaizumi as his trademark scowl. And Oikawa loves it. Oikawa loves it a lot if the frankly unwelcome butterflies in his goddamn stomach have anything to say about it. Oh god, he’s going to puke. 

“Right,” says Iwaizumi, bringing Oikawa back to earth for the second time in three minutes. “Like I was saying, it would kind of be a contradiction if I wasn’t okay with our daughter being anything other than what makes her happy.” 

Oikawa nods dumbly; it’s about all he can manage at the moment. After all, he did just have the most mind-shattering realization of his entire young life only minutes ago. 

Iwaizumi, despite what others may think, can’t actually read Oikawa’s mind. And honestly thank god for that right about now because whatever is going through Oikawa’s head has him looking constipated. It’s not his best look. 

Another moment passes between them in silence before Oikawa’s shoulders sag and whatever tension he was holding onto a moment ago releases. For a moment, a brief moment, Oikawa stays there like that. Relaxed. Vulnerable. It is a state that not even Iwaizumi sees very often. But just as quickly, Oikawa sits up, mask in place. Yep, Iwaizumi definitely can’t read Oikawa’s mind. 

“That’s my Iwa-chan,” he says, “always noble. Never contradictory.” And he’s smiling that glass smile. One Iwaizumi knows is fake. He’s hiding something. Okay, maybe Iwaizumi can read his mind just the tiniest bit. Regardless, Iwaizumi has no clue, not even a guess, to what that might be. 

“Yeah, yeah,” says Iwaizumi. “Someone on the team has to be noble. It’s not like Makki or Mattsun are going to pick up your slack.” 

Oikawa sputters. “Iwa-chan! Are you saying that I, a bona fide king, am not the most noblest of us all?” 

“Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying,” Iwaizumi says, deadpan. 

Oikawa sputters again. But before he can reply, he’s interrupted by a cry from the baby carrier between them. 

Iwaizumi stands and skillfully unbuckles their still unnamed daughter from the carrier. They’ve only had her for a day but already the motions of caring for a baby are being ingrained in their muscle memory. 

Iwaizumi rocks her gently for a minute and slowly the cries peter off until they are replaced by the soft breaths meant to indicate their robot child is sleeping. 

“Come on Oikawa, I think it’s time we put her to bed.” 

Someone is crying. No. There’s a baby crying. Why is there a baby crying? There are no- Iwaiuzmi bolts up in bed. His heart is racing as he rips off his blanket and jumps upright. 

From the bed, Oikawa stirs, rubbing an eye with one hand. 

“Huh?” he says. 

But Iwaizumi isn’t listening. He’s hunched over the lacey baby bassinet Mrs. Oikawa forced upon them earlier that evening. 

“Boys,” she tutted. “You can’t let your daughter sleep in a baby carrier. It’s bad enough she doesn’t have a name,” she said, emphasis on ‘name.’ “Besides, I have a perfectly good bassinet right here.” 

Iwaizumi was frankly too intimidated by the patented Oikawa Smile to do anything other than mumble a thank you and rush back to Oikawa’s bedroom. 

Whatever fear he felt standing before Mrs. Oikawa is nothing compared to the panic waking up in the middle of the night to a screaming infant. 

“What does she need,” Oikawa asks, sounding far too nonplussed about this whole, infant-screaming-in-the-middle-of-the-night situation. 

Iwaizumi doesn’t move. He’s frozen, staring down at the motionless form of their screaming robot baby. 

Oikawa, shaking off his grogginess, gently nudges the still-frozen form of Iwaizumi out of the way of the bassinet before scooping up their daughter into his arms. It’s a little weird to hold a crying infant that is also eerily still. Oikawa was pretty much a kid himself when Takeru was born but that didn’t stop his mom in her crusade to teach Oikawa the right way to hold a baby. From what he remembers, babies who are screaming are anything but motionless. 

“Hand me the bottle,” he says to Iwaizumi. 

Iwaizumi tears through the baby bag like his life depends on it. In his haste, he tosses the spare diaper, a yellow binky, and baby booties over his shoulder before emerging triumphant with the bottle. 

Oikawa holds the bottle to the baby’s lips, sighing with relief when the cries fade into the robotic sucking noises that would honestly be hilarious if it wasn’t the middle of the night and they weren’t so tired. 

Iwaizumi sinks down onto the edge of Oikawa’s bed, tension draining out of his body at last. Oikawa watches, a small smile on his face. With their still unnamed daughter fed, Oikawa gently sets her down in the bassinet before joining Iwaizumi on the bed. 

Oikawa takes a deep breath and wacks Iwaizumi across his back. 

“Nice one! We crushed it!” Somehow he still manages to pack all his usual exuberance with none of the volume. 

Iwaizumi grimaces. “It pains me more than you know to say this but I think you mean you crushed it.” 

“You’re too kind Iwa-chan. I couldn’t have done it without you.” 

Iwaizumi waves off the compliment. 

“Come on Trashkawa, let’s get back to bed.” 

“Yeah, okay,” says Oikawa without actually moving. Iwaizumi, too, stays put. 

If they wake up in the morning, side by side, well, neither of them mentions it.

In all honesty, they’d sort of forgotten about the scrimmage with Karasuno, not that Oikawa would ever admit that. He’s the captain after all and what kind of image would it paint if anyone were to find out just how little volleyball was on his mind the last 24 hours. 

Raising a baby is no small task. Every time he turns around she needs something. They can’t get through more than five minutes of homework without having to hold, feed, or change her. 

The only blessing of this whole forgetting-a-volleyball-scrimmage thing is that Karasuno is traveling to Seijou for the match. He can’t begin to fathom how he and Iwaizumi would take care of a baby, even a robot one, on a bus ride full of rowdy teenage boys. Oh god, they’d wake her up every time she fell asleep with their loud boy yelling and stupid jokes and horsing around. 

The referee’s whistle blows and the game begins... with Oikawa watching from the sidelines. One of them has to stay with the baby at all times, either strapped to their chest in the baby sling or sitting next to them in the carrier and he’s on first duty.

Oikawa watches, pumping his fist into the air every time one of his team members makes a play he finds particularly good; but, all the while, trying very hard not to jostle their daughter. Their daughter, who is blessedly, sound asleep against Oikawa’s chest.

On the court, Iwaizumi does just fine without Oikawa’s tosses. Sure, Oikawa will probably always be his favorite setter, not that he’d ever tell him that, but neither of them needs the other to do well on the court. Iwaizumi gives the game all he’s got until the coach pulls him out midway through the game so he can take over baby duty for Oikawa. 

“I just fed and burped her so she should be all ready to go!” Oikawa says cheerfully handing the baby over once Iwaizumi has strapped on the baby sling. “Thanks, Iwa-chan!” 

“Yeah, yeah, get out there,” Iwaizumi straps her to his chest and sits back to watch the game. 

After the baby hand-off, the scrimmage doesn’t go on for much longer. Aoba Johsai wins (barely) but Iwaizumi isn’t participating in the post-game celebration happening out on the court. Their daughter made sure of when she started wailing moments before the game came to an end. While Oikawa and the rest of their team cheers and high-fives, Iwaizumi paces around the back of the gym, bottle in one hand, baby in the other. He’s so focused on holding the bottle at the right angle like Oikawa showed him that he doesn’t notice Karasuno’s Vice-Captain until walking up until he’s next to him.

“Okay, Iwaizumi, level with me. How are you holding up?” asks Sugawara, head cocked just slightly to one side.

“Huh?” 

“Daichi and I took home the robot baby last month,” Suga elaborates. “It was a rough three days, but we made it in the end! How are you guys doing?”

Across the gym, some of the Karasuno team members start screeching and running after each other. 

Sugawara sighs, sparing a momentary glance to the chaos unfolding on the court. “Even harder when you already have several children. Back to the question, how are you guys holding up?” 

“We’re doing okay actually,” Iwaizumi says, surprising himself and Sugawara both.

“Oh?” Suga says. 

It’s not a lie or even an exaggeration. They really have been doing okay. 

“Yeah, the first night was rough but now we have a rhythm or something. He changes, I feed. He rocks, I change. I’m tired as shit but it’s not as bad as I thought. The hardest part is that we can’t agree on a damn name and I am not naming my baby, plastic or otherwise, after Spock, E.T., or any other alien creature,” he says while pocketing the plastic baby bottle and returning the baby to the baby sling attached to his chest.

Sugawara laughs. “What would you name her?” 

“Well, Oikawa shot down Godzilla, which, okay, that’s valid, but he also wasn’t a fan of Natsumi and that’s all I got. Oikawa keeps trying names like Aikihiko but I’m not giving him a bigger ego by letting him name his kid like he’s a king or some shit,” Iwaizumi throws his hands into the air in exasperation, careful not to jostle the baby currently strapped to his chest. “Who knew naming a baby was so hard?”

“Daichi and I couldn’t decide either but after arguing over it once we flipped a coin for it. Winner got first name and loser got second name,” Suga shrugs. “It worked for us.”

Iwaizumi grimaces. “I could never give Oikawa that much power. He’d name our daughter Spock without a second thought.” 

“Iwa-chan!”

Oikawa barrels across the floor, skidding to a halt just inches from Iwaizumi. With practiced agility, Iwaizumi steps to the side just out of collision range. 

“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa pouts. “I’m not going to knock you over while you’re holding out baby!” He grabs at Iwaizumi’s arm and doesn’t let go. 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say.” 

“Mr. Refreshing,” Oikawa says as if it's the first time he noticed him standing there. 

“Oikawa, nice to see you,” Sugawara says smiling.

How Sugawara manages to say it so genuinely despite the frankly unhinged smirk on Oikawa’s face is beyond Iwaizumi. 

Iwaizumi gives Oikawa a shove and hisses his name.

“Yes, Iwa-chan?” 

“Did you forget how to have a conversation?” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Iwa-chan.”

“You’re the worst.” 

“You know you love me.” 

Iwaizumi shoves him again before looking up to apologize but Sugawara beats him to it.

“You know, you guys look good together,” 

Iwaizumi sputters. “W-what?” 

A blush spreads across Oikawa’s face. 

“Both of you. And baby Godzilla Spock E.T. Akihiko Natsumi. I dunno,” Sugawara says with a glint in his eye. “It just seems like you fit together,” he shrugs. “Apologies if I’m wrong.” 

“Oh,” Iwaizumi says simply. Through sheer willpower, he stops blood from rushing to his cheeks. “I suppose we do.” 

Next to him, Oikawa makes a strangled choking sound and Iwaizumi very pointedly does not look over. He can’t deal with whatever crisis Oikawa is going through, he’s too busy dealing with his own. Is this some kind of weird power move orchestrated by Sugawara to throw Iwaizumi off his game? But that doesn’t make sense, the game is already over and it was just a practice match. If Sugawara’s goal was to mess with Iwaizumi’s head, then he was successful because now Iwaizumi can’t get the image of a stupid family photo with the two of them and their nameless daughter out of his head. 

Of course, they look good together in his imaginary family photo, Oikawa would look good regardless of who's standing next to him. But it’s more than that because even in his imagination the Oikawa he’s conjured up is smiling genuinely, not at all like the creepy leer he’s been shooting at Sugawara through all of this. He’s smiling genuinely and fuck Iwaizumi is too. They’re flanking the baby carrier, squatting down to its level, each with one hand along the back of the carrier and the other resting on the side closest to them. The baby between them isn’t plastic; it’s a whole baby, a real baby. 

Fuck, his brain has no business creating such a detailed image just from one offhand comment. 

Across the gym, the cacophony previously noted by Sugawara erupts into a new level of chaos. 

Sugawara sighs. “My children are summoning me.” 

Sugawara smiles and gives Iwaizumi a resounding thwack on the shoulder before apologizing to chase after Karusuno’s first years. 

To Iwaizumi’s absolute frustration, he can’t get Sugawara’s comments and the resulting daydream out of his head. Not during the walk home. Not during dinner. Not after they’ve put her to bed for the night. He and Oikawa do look good together. But what the fuck is he supposed to do, waltz up to Oikawa and say “hey, I think we’re actually pretty ace at this parenting thing. Let’s adopt a baby and just say fuck college.” 

“Hey, Iwa-chan?” Oikawa whispers. Iwaizumi barely hears him from his futon on the floor. He rolls over so he’s looking up at the ceiling. 

“Yeah?” 

“What do you think Mr. Refreshing meant earlier?” 

Iwaizumi lets out a long breath before answering. “I don’t know. He’s just friendly like that.” 

“Oh,” Oikawa says, somehow even quieter than before. 

Iwaizumi gets a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach that he’s done something wrong. 

“Why?” 

Iwaizumi frowns when Oikawa doesn’t answer him. 

“Oikawa,” he tries again. 

Iwaizumi groans and kicks the blankets off his legs, tossing them to the side. 

“Oy,” he flicks Oikawa’s forehead. “Scoot over.” 

“Ow, Iwa-chan!” Oikawa rubs his forehead but moves over anyway. 

“Shut up, Shittykawa, or you’ll wake the baby up.” 

“How can I help you, Iwa-chan,” he says, quieter this time but filled with a sickening saccharine exuberance that Iwaizumi knows is all show. “It’s just that I do need my beauty sleep after all and there’s only so much time before my beautiful daughter wakes me up screeching.”

Iwaizumi rolls his eyes. “She’s your daughter now, huh? What am I, a sack of potatoes? Cut the act and tell me what’s wrong.”

“I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“Don’t bother lying to me, I can always see through your shit.” 

Oikawa sighs and shifts, turning to face Iwaizumi. “I know. Like Mr. Refreshing said, we fit together.” 

“Then stop bullshitting and tell me what the problem is.” 

“I’ve just been thinking,” Oikawa pauses.

“Okay?” Iwaizumi says, gentler than before, when Oikawa doesn’t continue. “Thinking about what Sugawara said?” 

Oikawa nods. 

“Me too.” 

“Oh,” says Oikawa. 

Some of the tension in Oikawa’s face eases and Iwaizumi is glad for it. Happy to see Oikawa relax and put away the mask. 

“Yeah.” 

They fall quiet. The silence lies thick between them. Iwaizumi swallows. They’re dancing on the edge of something. Something important.

He could stop talking now and they can stay safely where they are. 

Or.

Or, they can tumble over together. 

“We do fit well together,” Iwaizumi says abruptly. “Sugawara was right.” He carefully enunciates each word, trying to convey a deeper meaning than the words alone. “We look good together.” 

“Iwa-chan?” 

Iwaizumi reaches out across the minuscule gap between them, moving slowly to give Oikawa every chance to bat him away. When he meets no resistance, Iwaizumi’s hand lands gently across Oikawa’s cheek. He drags his thumb back and forth across his cheekbone once, twice, three times. 

“Don’t you think so?” asks Iwaizumi. 

Oikawa swallows. He nods his head. 

“Yeah, we do,” he says. Oikawa shuffles closer, closing the gap until there is just a sliver of space between them. Oikawa can feel the warmth radiating off Iwaizumi but he shivers despite it. 

“Can I..” Iwaizumi drifts off without finishing the question but Oikawa nods anyway. 

Iwaizumi’s hand drifts away from Oikawa’s face, grabbing the collar of his shirt instead and using it as leverage to swiftly close the remaining gap between them. Pressed together thigh to thigh, chest to chest, faces scarcely an inch apart, it’s blissfully clear, they do fit well together. In every sense of the word. 

They hover there, one foot over the edge, one still safely on land. For a minute, they simply exist in the moment together. 

But then it ends. 

And they jump. 

They move in tandem, closing the final gap between them. Their lips brush lightly; it’s sweet, simple, and slow. 

Oikawa threads his fingers through Iwaizumi’s hair just as Iwaizumi pulls on Oikawa’s collar, somehow managing to pull him closer still. What was once sweet turns into something more fervent. More voracious. It’s electrifying. 

They pull away with a gasp. Oikawa grins and Iwaizumi swears his heart skips a beat. 

“Huh,” says Oikawa. “We really do fit together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [find me on twitter!](https://twitter.com/pancakesurprisd)


	2. Chapter 2

Names: Oikawa Tooru & Iwaizumi Hajime

Baby Name: Mirai Godzilla Spock Oikawa-Iwaizumi

In a short paragraph, detail what you learned from this assignment: 

To be a good parent you have to do more than rotely complete tasks like feeding, changing, and getting the baby to sleep. Parenting requires teamwork and compromise. Good parenting means leaning on the other in one moment and self-sacrifice the next. Just like in all good things worthing doing (for example volleyball), no one achieves anything alone. Additionally, we learned that while we make a good team, that we fit well together, babies are a lot of work. We can imagine that at the end of the day all that work feels worth something when the baby is, in fact, human and not a robot but regardless, becoming a parent is not something either of us is ready to undertake as high school 3rd years. 

15 years later. 

The hospital is a lot more colorful than Iwaizumi expected. Colorful murals cover the walls and all the colors of the rainbow are pressed into the floor tiles like confetti. He supposes that this is what a children's hospital should be. 

They pass under the sign declaring "Labor and Delivery" and Oikawa snatches his hand, squeezing tighter with each step they take. Iwaizumi squeezes back and that momentarily seems to give Oikawa the assurance he needs. At least until they reach the nursery window. At the window, Oikawa's vice grip returns and he quickly turns them both so that they aren't facing the nursery at all. 

"Are we really doing this?" Oikawa whispers.

"I think it's a little late to back out now," says Iwaizumi nodding back toward the window. "Seems a little inconsiderate to stand her up." 

Oikawa swallows and peeks around Iwaizumi's head. The nursery is bright with two rows of babies in two straight lines. And one of them is theirs. One of them is supposed to go home with them in their government approved car-seat. 

“Iwaizumi-san, Oikawa-san!” calls a nurse. “Are you ready to meet your daughter?” 

Iwaizumi looks at Oikawa, waiting. Oikawa sighs and nods. 

“We’re ready.” 

The baby carrier is perched in the crook of Iwaizumi’s arm, it’s rosy-cheeked occupant sleeping soundly despite the commotion going on around her. 

“Oh woah!” says Hanamaki. “She’s so tiny!” 

“She’s a baby,” says Oikawa plainly.

“What’s her name?” asks Matsukawa. 

Iwaizumi and Oikawa exchange a glance. 

“It’s a bit of a mouthful.”

“Of course it is,” Hanamaki says without looking up from the baby. “We’d expect nothing less knowing Oikawa’s flair for dramatics.”

Oikawa squawks. “Excuse me, do you want to know your niece’s name or what?” 

“It’s Emiko Akari Ume Suga Oikawa-Iwaizumi.” 

“Oh my god, why would you guys do that to my precious niece? Do you want her to hate you forever?” says Matsukawa.

Iwaizumi rubs a hand down his face and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Listen it was either that or Emiko Spock E.T. Godzilla Natsumi Sugawara Oikawa-Iwaizumi. I think we gave her the lesser of two evils.” 

Hanamaki wrinkles his nose. “I mean I guess that’s true.”

“Why does our niece have a third surname, hmm? Something you’d like to share with the class?” 

Iwaizumi groans. 

“It’s simple,” says Oikawa. “Emiko, a name Iwa-chan and I both agreed on. Akari- a name I picked. Ume- a name Iwa-chan picked. Suga- after that vice captain from Karasuno who once kindly remarked that Iwa-can and I ought to step off a cliff together but, like, in a good way. And our surnames of course.”

“Ah yes, perfectly simple. How could we have been so stupid,” says Matsukawa. “But I suppose any parents who put that much thought into a name are bound to be good, or at the very least, try their hardest to be good.” 

Oikawa brightens at Matsukawa’s statement. He’s incandescent for a moment and Iwaizumi falls a little bit more in love with him right then and there. 

“Okay,” Oikawa says, clapping his hands once. “Who wants to hold our daughter first?” Oikawa frees Emiko from her carrier and moves to hand her off but Hanamaki corrals Oikawa into sitting on the couch instead. Iwaizumi is too caught up in watching Oikawa with their daughter to notice Matsukawa coming to drag him over too. 

“Okay perfect!” Matsukawa says once Iwaizumi lands next to Oikawa with an “oof.” 

“They grow up so fast,” Hanamaki says, wiping away a non-existent tear. 

“Look like you like each other!” says Matsukawa. “That means no scowling Mr. Iwaizumi!” 

“Hey, what the hell?” Iwaizumi growls. 

Hanamaki tsks and swiftly grabs a camera he hid nearby just for this occasion and snaps their very first family photo. He snaps a few more for good measure.

“Was that so hard?” he says, scrolling through the photos and showing them to Matsukawa. 

“Huh,” says Matsukawa. “You guys really do look good together. All three of you.” 

“Okay, enough of that mushy stuff,” says Hanamaki. “Let me hold my niece.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [find me on twitter!](https://twitter.com/pancakesurprisd)

**Author's Note:**

> [find me on twitter!](https://twitter.com/pancakesurprisd)


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